I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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