so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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