nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
