its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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