I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
