Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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