woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
