I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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