Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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