I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
