I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Text me some of your sweat
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
