Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
