when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
