Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
