Please, let me fuck your mom
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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