I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
