they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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