How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
