i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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