I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Text me some of your sweat
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
