if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
