its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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