Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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