i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
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