You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
