I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
