I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize