so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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