At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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