Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
