I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
