The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
