I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
