Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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