I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
