I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
