Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize