he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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