I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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