Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
