Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
birth control should be required to get into college
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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