Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize