I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
