Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
