So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
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That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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