2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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