My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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