I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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