Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
