well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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