I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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