i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and she was petting her beer can
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
