tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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