So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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