Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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