Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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