3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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