She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
