he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
