So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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