Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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