yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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