I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
