I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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