hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
